Lose My Mind.

addiction-to-pain:

This is how I found my mother this Saturday when I went to visit her. 2 Days after getting out of hospital again and she had gone through 2 and a half casks of wine and over 40 cigarettes. She was on the floor drunk, smoking and half unclothed. She had peed all over herself due to no control over her bladder from being intoxicated. She also hadn’t eaten for a few days again. She thinks she is FAT. Look at her. IS SHE REALLY FAT? This is pretty much how I find my mum every weekend I visit. If she isn’t in hospital where she is forced to be sober and to eat - she is at her ‘home’, 2 minutes from the bottle shop, like this. I can’t remember the last time I actually got to spend my Saturday out with my mum… It’s generally just this and calling the ambulance to admit her back into hospital again. for the whole of my life, this has been my mum’s life. Even before I was born she was struggling with her own life. Why she had me… I don’t know. 
I feel like a mistake a lot of the time and I just keep getting false hope from my mum. I told her that I used to cut my wrists because of her shit. She told me that I should just go and do it again. I told her though that I wont do it because unlike her I have the will power to say no to my problems and overcome them. I can’t believe my own mother encouraged my suicide. I know she has tried to take her life countless times before so I guess that shit really means nothing to her anymore. Just like me. I mean nothing to her. No-matter how much I do, give up, sacrifice, push aside in my life - it’s never enough to help my mum. Please find it in your heart to pray for my mum. PLEASE pray that maybe one day she can at least start to sort her life out before she chooses to kill herself.

Please reblog this so others can see this and pray for her.

 I posted this a few weeks ago about my mum asking for people to pray for her so that she could stop feeling so much pain… on Saturday the 4th of Feb (this month) I found her dead on her bathroom floor. I went over to visit her alone and I stood at the front door before going inside.. I said to myself ‘be prepared for something bad’ … I never say that. EVER. but something in me knew that something was wrong. She was on her bathroom floor face down. One look and i knew this time she wasnt just passed out or asleep. I touched her back and she was cold and stiff and not moving. I phoned for an ambulance and I flipped her lifeless body over and tried doing cpr. It was too late. Her body was purple so that meant she had been gone for a while. The paramedics confirmed it to me when they got there. I broke down completely. It has been the worst day of my life. The image above is the way i saw my mum last alive. Now that I think about the original post and how I asked you all to pray for her to get better - I have realized that all of your prayers helped to save her and rid her of her demons. She is now at peace finally with no more pain and no more struggles. I miss her so much and I’m still struggling with it all but slowly i am getting better too. I would really love to let all of you know that I have been through a lot and I want you to know that I am here for any of you who need support going through tough times too. No-matter what it is I am here for you. 
Just message me for support at http://addiction-to-pain.tumblr.com 

Thank you to everyone who supported me and prayed for my mother while she was fighting her demons. IT would be much appreciated if you could reblog this so that everyone who cared can receive my thanks. Also as a wake up call to anyone out there who takes their parents for granted… you don’t realize how much or little time you may have with them left so use it as wisely and as lovingly as you can.